“Marriage is not an institution to be entered into lightly…” These words are spoken in most ceremonies when two are to be joined. We listen to it for its ritualistic value, but do we REALLY understand what’s being said in our hearing? Marriage is a big deal! Contrary to the way Hollywood, government, and society at large treat it, the covenant of marriage means something to GOD! Well, this blog post is a moment of transparency. I entered in lightly!
I love “love.” Meaning I believe in it wholeheartedly. I love to be loved. Blah blah blah…whatever and stuff. The kind of love I liked was make believe – the things that fairy tales, myths, and legends are made of. The kind of love I liked was one-sided – the prince loves ME and dotes on ME. He’d whisk me away and live life happily ever after. The end. NOT! This immature love concept blinded me to the true love I really had trying to make it a feat of grand cinematography. How dumb was that?! I’m going to help someone who is a wife now, has consented to be someone’s wife or hoping to be a wife someday. Just hear me out and not listen in judgment.
I saw a FINE guy walking down the hall in high school. He had blossomed from the year before into a muscular, dark, bald piece of art. We were friends and football was a bit of the glue of our friendship at the time. He was a defensive lineman and I was a varsity cheerleader. He was nice, clean cut, and cute but I was into thugs and “bad” boys. Little did I know that this nice guy, totally unlike what I thought I liked or would fall for, would be my boyfriend much less my husband in the near future.
September 20, 1994 – after a failed attempt at trying to go together (broken off stupidly by me still going for thugs and less-thans), Mr. Clean Cut and I were an item. There was something pure about him. In his eyes, I saw sincerity. I felt like no one mattered except me when we were together. And STILL, no clue what my part in love was…entering lightly. Fast forward, we graduated from high school, with honors (had to throw that in there; he’s smart too 😊) and were off to different colleges. Entering lightly…still no clue.
We called ourselves breaking up in college for a few months but still only spent time and talked to each other. That break up was short lived. December 25, 1997 – a proposal! Plans were being made to build a forever life together. My story was being written nicely…entering lightly. He was loving me far beyond what I could imagine and I was loving him not even fathoming my reciprocal duty…just lost in it.
June 12, 1999, was a gorgeous, yet hot day. I was gonna marry the man of my dreams. He spoiled me and treated me like a queen. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for me. Me me me…and more me. “Marriage is not an institution to be entered into lightly.” I entered in light as a feather, but when that feather became a boulder, love came crashing down and I was faced with something that wasn’t the pomp and circumstance of a romantic, uplifting, whimsical and magical tale. I had to re-evaluate just where my love stood and what it meant to me to preserve it for who God sent to me. I submit to you that I had it all wrong, and by the time I got it – I found myself in one hell of a fight. If it helps even one person not have to go through this, then this post did its job. Strap in.
Our relationship was purely built on how my boyfriend loved me. As long as I was the center of his world, all was right with the world. I didn’t have to give much thought to how I felt about him. He loved me so of course, I loved him. He didn’t care about anything I had or anything I was doing. He honestly and truly just loved me. The problem with that is I didn’t know how to receive a love that genuine, so I wore it out and took it for granted. I didn’t think much of myself because I always looked outside of me for validation. You MUST love you or who God sent to findeth a good thing in you won’t even matter. Entering lightly…
You are who you are. No other wife is like you and no other husband is like him. Comparison is one of the poisonous arrows that shoots through your relationship heart. I had the picture perfect relationship playing in my mind, but that wasn’t my reality. I wanted this couple’s reality cause he washes his wife’s car. I wanted that couple’s reality because he gets his wife’s hair and nails done. This husband compliments his wife in public and online and on and on. I didn’t know if they were smiling in public and fighting like cats and dogs at home. I didn’t know if that hair and nails appointment were to make up for something someone forgot or did that was hurtful. I didn’t know that she was being submissive and taking care of home. Point is, I had the perfect man for me just the way he was, but I didn’t take the time to see HIM right and when my eyes were opened, his were dimming. Entering lightly…
Wake up and understand, what you choose is not always God’s choice. He may not fit who we envisioned but who are we to say, “no God. Not him. Too tall. Too short. Wrong job.”? Check yourself. I have come to know when you enter lightly…
- Your perception of love is YOUR reality and when your significant other doesn’t live up to the perception, resentment may well up and you seek to change what was really a God-send.
- You take love for granted as if it will always be as magical as the day you declared “I do” in front of God and witnesses. Love isn’t one moment in time. It is a daily job and decision.
- When things aren’t going “as planned,” you make other plans that could be turning to others, becoming a work-a-holic, primarily focusing on kids or anything to disengage.
- You bring preconceived notions on how things gonna be and what you’re not gonna do and all the other person will (better) do – tall tales and myths…
- You think that how you are coming into marriage is never to be changed. You can’t bring your spoiled, selfish, self-absorbed self into a union! It may be ok at first but it will wear thin…I KNOW what I’m talking about.
- I really do love my husband and it really is unconditional.
- If it’s worth it, love your way through it and hold on until your fingers get locked up and then hold tighter.
- Prayer changes things even if the thing is YOU.